I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
