so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
