I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we're making bets on your personal life
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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