it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
