I want to have your abortion
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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