Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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