You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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