Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
