what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
