Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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