I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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