My hair reeks of homosexuality.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
