You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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