woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
