I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
