i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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