you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
