he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We're too hungover to prance.
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