If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
