i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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