I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
