she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
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If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?