If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dating After Heartbreak
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY