I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.