my vag is so smooth its legendary
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?