I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
