just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.