So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
