Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can you rollerblade?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off