i think my mom watched the whole time
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
