I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
