I hate your face
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
