On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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