My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize