If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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