im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
