I woke up to her vacumming the grass
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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