If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
