I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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