He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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