I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
