yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
