If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
organizing the empties. That sober.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
