I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
