Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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