Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
