That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
