Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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