This dress was meant to end up on your floor
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
