i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
