I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
