I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
