We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
