forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
