and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
