i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
