Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
