i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I need moral support for this bender
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
