Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
