Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
There r osticjed everywhere
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
