I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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