how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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