I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
