Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
