I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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