Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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