so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We talked him into tasing himself.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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